The Real Thing This Time

The Booksellers on Fountain Square

Although I'm now a published author, I must concede that words cannot describe how I feel, seeing my memoir displayed here at The Booksellers on Fountain Square (Joseph Beth Books and Roebling Books as well).

Now, I have a confession to make, about something that's not in my memoir. It's something I hadn't told my wife about till just now. It occured during my earlier life, when I was a student patrolman at the University of Cincinnati. Early one Sunday morning, when the library building was closed, I used my master key to admit myself and my friend Denny Cooper. We went to the card catalogue desk, removed two blank cards, then typed in bogus names of books that we "authored." Denny, who had worked in a library during high school, gave each book a logical, but phony, Dewey Decimal number.

I remember the title of my 'book' had something to do with cybernetics. Maybe this was my first subconscious indication that I wanted to be a real author someday. That was over 50yrs ago. I guess it's a good lesson, you're never too old to give up on your dreams!

Before There Was BAYWATCH...There Was BREECH

Breech Academy Summer 1970

Admittedly, I would never be mistaken for David Hasselhoff, but some of the TWA 'hostesses' could easily rival the Baywatch beauties. Plus, we all had extensive ditching training. Uh, sorry I meant to say extensive 'water landing' training. When I think of this airline euphemism, I can imagine my late idol, George Carlin shouting with gusto, "We no longer 'stand by' for 'ditching'!" Then in a softer, more effeminate voice he continues, "We're going to have to 'get ready' for a...'water landing.'" And if you're wondering, no, I don't usually wear a life jacket at hotel pools. Behind me is Breech Academy, TWA's training center for cabin crews.

Call it what you want, an aircraft evacuation in a body of water is, in my opinion the most difficult safety maneuver to execute. In the calm of Breech's pool, it took all I had to pull myself up into the 25-man life raft. I can imagine how difficult it is to enter the raft amidst ocean swells.

On the other hand, when on terra firma, taking a ride down the 747's evacuation slide from 18 feet above the ground is a piece of cake. The dual slides even allow you to bring a buddy along. A velcro surface at the bottom stops you from spilling out onto the runway, grass, sand (whatever). 

If you enjoy riding in the upper deck of the 747-400 series, the secondary evacution route is from a height of 35 feet, or about 50-some feet of slide. Now that's a real thrill! So ladies, while you may want to see Hasselhoff at the beach, I can guarantee you'd rather be sitting next to me on a plane if things get rough.